So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
