This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
God I need to hump something, right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
