just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
