last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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