Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
