I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
