I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
