Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
