How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
