her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
