i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
