Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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