I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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