I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
