I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
