you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
