so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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