I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
