we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
