We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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