I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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