I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
