That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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