I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
