Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
