i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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