call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
why is half of my head shaved?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
