her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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