My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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