i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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