this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
