I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have aggressive nipples.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
