he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
