sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
