Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everyone says I win the strip club
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
