I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
