Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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