I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
