So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You are a genius and a whore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
