he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
