You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
