Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
