Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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