College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
