Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
