; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
