I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
