Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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