He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
