just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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