I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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