the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
