I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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