Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
