well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
