there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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