don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found the puke drawer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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