Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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