You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
