I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
