Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
