I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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