I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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