I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
