That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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