There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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