I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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