the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
