based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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