i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize