is your mom at the bar?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
