I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
