Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
